you chose wrong

She’ll trust you every time. Every single time, she’ll let you walk into her life just as fast as you walked out. Every time, she’ll believe you when you say to just wait it out. Every time, she’ll believe you’re just not ready. Every time, she’ll think it’s something wrong with her, not you. Every time, she’ll get proven wrong. She’ll feel stupid for letting you in. But she’ll do it again. Every time, she’ll let you into her heart, just as fast as you’ve broken it time and time again.

She’ll hold your hand when you need someone. She’ll let you cry on her shoulder. She’ll be the one you call when you’re drunk and falling apart. She’ll listen about your ex, knowing she’s felt that same pain, caused by you. She’ll be your best friend. She’ll always be there. Even through the bullshit and the pain, she’ll always be there.

She’ll do anything to make you happy. Anything to make you see that she won’t leave. She’ll defend you to her friends or her family. She’ll fetch you another drink, drive you where you need to go, hold you when you’re lonely. She’ll be the one that’s there when you are drunk and “honest”. But she’ll be the one you forget the next morning. She’ll be the one you run away from when you see there’s something real. She’ll be the one…

She’s always going to be the one you run back to, but not the one you choose.

But she’ll always choose you.

You’ll be the only one who makes her feel comfortable. Every other guy will be in it for the wrong reasons. No one will compare to you. She’ll never trust them, the way she trusts you. You were the one who was there, then one day you weren’t. You were the one who she could cry on. You were the one who she’d do anything for. You were her only choice.

She’ll try to give up, so many times. But you know her better than anyone. You know how to make her stay. Make her come back to you. It doesn’t take much to do that, when you’re the man she loves. You know this too, the fact that she loves you. She’s told you so many times. She’s showed you. You use that, to make her stay. To manipulate her.

She’ll keep coming back, she’ll stay, she’ll get hurt. Because having you in her life and not knowing what the hell your relationship is, is better than you leaving.

But you still left. You kept finding better people. You kept choosing others. She was never good enough. You chose beauty over brains. Hoes over wives. Temporary satisfaction over comfort and happiness. You chose wrong. The way she’s obviously been choosing wrong for years.

It may have taken her years to realize, to see. But she will see how closed off to the situation she’s been. How badly she has blurred the truth. How you never meant the words you said. The kisses, the late night Face-Time calls, the drunken secrets, the way you held her hand and it seemed to fit perfectly, the way you made her feel.. all lies. The sad part is, they may have not been lies in the moment, but afterwards, you didn’t feel that same way. A minute or a day would pass, and you’d regret what you said. You’d run scared. Push her back into the safe place of “friends”. But you were never friends. You were always “Almost Something”.

The memories, the pain, it’s all still there. But you aren’t. And she is moving forward. She is moving on. She is taking what you did, and learning how not to be treated. Granted, she may make the mistake a couple more times, but thankfully, she’s young. And once she fully breaks free from your hold, you’ll miss her. You’ll want what you always had, but no longer have. You won’t have her forever, because no matter how badly she tried to prove that she wouldn’t leave, she had to. You were so scared that she’d leave, that instead, you kept leaving her. That was how you made sure she didn’t go, you did it. You left her and made her feel worthless, disposable.

One day, sooner or later, she will see her worth. She’ll see what you never saw, never will see. Or maybe you will see it, but it will be too late. You’ll learn not to choose wrong anymore, and deep down, she’ll always feel she chose right. She’ll always want what you never saw between you two. Always want you, and how amazing you could be…

 

#56

 

List 10 things you will never do.

  1. I will never smoke weed or cigarettes
  2. I will never get so drunk that I black out
  3. I will never live miserably in an abusive or loveless relationship
  4. I will never let my kids live in misery because I am selfish
  5. I will never hurt my children
  6. I will never abuse my husband
  7. I will never cheat on my husband/fiancé/boyfriend
  8. I will never waste my time on someone who doesn’t deserve it
  9. I will never make my kids feel unwanted, needed or like they’re not worth it
  10. I will never hurt myself by staying with someone who hurts me

#55

Imagine you are at your next high school reunion. How do you think your old classmates would react to the person you are today?

At my high school reunion, I hope my old classmates would react to the way I am now by being surprised. I am learning as I get older to be happier and I’ve grown up and realized it isn’t about being popular. It isn’t about how popular you are or how well you fit in with the cool kids. I have learned to love myself and I don’t care what other people think about me anymore. High school me was so much different than the me now. I have grown and matured more in the last two years than I expected. The girls who used to treat me like crap, don’t mean anything to me anymore. They were just motivation for me to grow into a better me instead.

 

#53

You have been given $100 on the condition that you must spend it all on yourself. What will you do with your money?

If I was given $100 to only spend on myself, I would do the one thing I want to buy myself for Christmas, the six Star Wars movies on iTunes so I can watch it on my MacBook when I go on vacations and/or just for the heck of it. I love Star Wars, if no one has seen from my social media, and I would love to be able to watch the movies anywhere. Technology is evolving, so DVD’s may not be around much longer. It’ll be straight computerized.

#52

What phrase would you love to hear right now?

I’d love to hear anything right now. Whether it be “I miss you” from a friend far away, “I love you” from family or someone special, or even “I need you” from the person I most want it from. It wouldn’t be so bad to have that one person back to say these things but then again, it wouldn’t be good either… I’m probably better off without them, even if it’s not what I want.

#51

What’s the fun parts about being single and what’s the fun parts about being in a relationship?

I think the best parts about being single is not worrying about anyone else. You can be by yourself, talk to whoever you want without someone being jealous, you can work on you and focus on school (that’s what I’m currently doing). The best parts about being in a relationship is being able to have someone to count on, talk to all the time, having a best friend that is also your partner. Having someone to cuddle up and watch tv with for hours, kiss whenever you want to, bring you gifts and flowers and vice versa. I’ll be honest, I miss being in a relationship, but I’m not going to get into one until I find someone who I actually want to fight for and spend the time on that it takes to make a relationship work.

#50

If you could visit anyone on the planet right now, who would you visit?

If I could visit anyone on this planet right now, it would probably be my family in NY. I love going up there and seeing everyone. I love the feeling of being in New York and seeing my family. It makes me feel young and like a kid again because I was so young when I lived there. I love seeing my baby cousins in their own homes and how much they have grown and can talk now. It’s the best.

#49

Describe your first kiss

My first kiss was an awkward experience, and he would say the same thing about it. I was a 13-year-old eighth grader with her first boyfriend. We had been dating for like a week and he was like “I want to kiss you”. I was so nervous because obviously I never kissed someone before. So, I asked my friends what to do and they told me to just do it. I told him I’d kiss him at the homecoming dance that Saturday, but the entire dance, I was trying so hard to avoid it. I didn’t want to do it wrong! So, I didn’t end up kissing him and he ended up breaking up with me because of it… He was a brat! We got back together, and we ended up kissing behind a bus at the end of the school day. It was awkward as heck because it was a peck (we had to make sure no teachers saw) and we were 13! Plus, I had my eyes open, lol. Most awkward experience ever!

#48

If you could change one personality trait about yourself, would you? Which one?

If I could change one personality trait about myself, I would change the fact that I’m too shy and not very into the social, party crowd. I wish sometimes, that I was a more social person who got invited to parties and hung out with the bigger crowd. I think if I were like that, I would’ve done cheerleading like I always wanted to. But that’s just something about me, that I can’t change even if I wanted to, it’s just not me.

#47

Do you have a favorite spot to go out for coffee or for dinner? What makes this spot so great?

I used to have a favorite spot for dinner, it was the best place to go. I loved the food, the staff, even the management was great. I was a customer there for about two years before I had a huge graduation party on their patio. After that, I got a job there and improved as worker very well over the year I worked there. I worked about four different jobs there and became the only employee to help out the most. I got switched off one job and asked to do another at the last minute, sometimes even as I was walking through the door. I still loved the food, and my parents still came in every week to sit in my section or just come visit the staff because they were not only our waitresses or waiters but our friends too. However, I got another job and ended up quitting this restaurant, I handed in a two weeks like a respectful employee, and then, I stopped working there. In the last three months of not working there, I have been in to eat three times. The last time I was there, the GM was there, the first time I’d seen her since I quit. She told all the servers except mine, to not speak to my table. Our normal friends who came to see us and talk to us, didn’t. And my mother was incredibly offended and hurt. People who once talked to her like a friend, wouldn’t even look in her direction. The atmosphere has changed and we no longer will go into that favorite spot.. Not only because of the way they treated me, but the way they treated my mom.

#46

Do you have any piercings? Do you like them on other people? Does it matter where they are?

I have 12 piercings and I love them. I think they’re good on other people, just not the weird ones that go across the face and have connecting chains and stuff. I like piercings on the ear, nose, belly button, and lip. Other than that it is kinda weird to do like dermals and stuff.